Constant battle.

There is a constant battle in my head between remembering and forgetting you,
I hate how it just pops up in my head randomly because the tears come so easily.
And then it hits you so much harder then you ever thought it would..
I did what I finally needed to do,
threw away the flowers you gave me,
the teddy bear and gifts you got me are now somewhere in my garage,
torn photos and notes all put away in a box.
I feel dumb because I should have done this a long time ago but it's so hard for me to let go.
And it's so sad to think we promised we would never act like we did't know each other, and that we would always care, no matter what.
And im mad at myself for not being mad at you,
as much as I should be mad at you for leaving me for her, I don't.
As much as I know I should hate her, I don't. She won fair and square.
And as much as I know I should never give you my time of day and not even waste my breath on you I wish you were still my best friend.
And because I think that way, I can't help but think there is something wrong with me.
I should hate you,
you took something from me that i'll never get back,
you were my first love,
and I know one day I'll fall in love again and maybe it'll be the guy of my dreams,
but it's never going to be the way I loved you.
And I wish I could make you understand how much you really mean to me.
And one day I hope you look back at what we had, and regret every little thing you did to let it end.
You might think I'm weak,or pathetic for thinking about you still, but you're wrong,
I actually cared.