It's funny how you go through the year and nothing seems to change but when you look back, everything is different. 

It's amazing that no matter how much we tell ourselves that we won't change for anyone, we always seem to. 

And no matter how much we say we won't care what they think about us, it's the number one thing on our minds. 

If you look at how I used to be and you look at me now, you'll realize I'm not the same girl I once was.

Everything got to me. 

The lines are so crossed and blurred at this point that I don't know what I want. I just know I want it to be easy... And sometimes it's easier for me to pretend rather than face my feelings. Sometimes it's easier to try to make it alone rather than risk getting hurt again. Sometimes it's easier to be numb towards certain people so I don't let them get too close. Sometimes I'm scared, but when I act numb towards you, it doesn't mean I don't care it means I care too much.

I heard them say

"I miss the old, happy, girl. That would smile all the time and laugh at everything"

When it finally hit me,

That's just not me anymore.

this is what happens when you fall in love. 

you're looking at a natural disaster.

All my friends told me;

“You can do better. You deserve so much more.” 

In reality, they were right. 

But sometimes when you love, you love the person for who they are despite what they have done wrong to you. 

That’s what love does to you. 

It’s not about who you deserve, 

it’s about who you want, 

who you need, and who you love.

I waited for you for so long. 

I watched my phone, every night, waiting on a phone call that somewhere in the back of my mind I knew I’d never get. 

I just wanted to hear you say that you were sorry for hurting me, and that maybe you wanted to get back together. 

I thought you missed me too, you just didn’t know what you wanted. 

But, I finally realized that you didn’t miss me at all, 

that I was definitely not what you wanted, and that i never meant that much to you anyway.  

"I've discovered as i've grown up that

life is far more complicated than you 

think when you're a kid. It isn't just a

straight-forward fairy tale."

One day.

Tomorrow is apparently the end of the world,
but most of us know that nothing is really gonna happen.
And im gonna be completely honest here,
but im kinda scared for tomorrow!
Because well I know nothings gonna happen,
I mean NOTHING
Like that whole power going off for three days yeahhh,
not sure if believe it.
And if it does well yeah i'll admit I was wrong and you all were right.
and we will get to live like cavemen for three days!
But seriously though,
I know there are some people who probably believe the world will crash and burn tomorrow.
So maybe some people will go crazy and go kill other people,
or rob a bank,
or steal a car,
or get drunk,
or steal a cat,
or go tell your crush you like them,
or tell someone you love them,
(and then nothing happens, awkward for you!)
and well other things
the possibilities are endless really.
So im debating whether to go out and party like there's no tomorrow,
literally,
or just stay home and watch humanity fall apart..
but i have a feeling that after tomorrow in the next 9 months
we are going to have our own generation of baby boomers.
2012 sucked for me,
So I hope something happens,
like an alien invasion,
or a zombie apocalypse,
Yeah,
I'd kick some zombie butts.
Or like Jenna Marbles said a Cat apocalypse
they already took over the internet.
Welp, those are my thoughts for today.
And if cats took over the world..
Would it look like this?



creepy.
haha and this made me smile.
 
don't do something stupid tomorrow.
5 Days till Christmas!
Yipeeee. :)

I bet people probably think it's superrrrrr annoying that i always post a blog and they are pure pictures of quotes..

but get over it.

They basically just give you a taste of what im feeling or have been feeling,

kinda like when you listen to a song and your like

"yup that's my life"

well that's why i post song lyrics..

and quotes.

       

Your Song

It's a little bit funny
This feeling inside
I'm not one of those who can easily hide
I don't have much money
But boy if I did
I'd buy a big house where
We both could live
So excuse me forgetting
But these things I do
See I've forgotten if
They're green or they're blue
Anyway the thing is
What I really mean
Your's are the sweetest eyes I've ever seen
And you can tell everybody,
This is your song
It may be quite simple but
Now that it's done
I hope you don't mind, I hope you don't mind
That I put down in words
How wonderful life is now you're in the world
If I was a sculptor
But then again no
Or girl who makes potions in a traveling show
I know it's not much but
It's the best I can do
My gift is my song and
This one's for you
And you can tell everybody
This is your song
It may be quite simple but
Now that it's done
I hope you don't mind, I hope you don't mind
That I put down in words
How wonderful life is now you're in the world 

-Ellie Goulding

Change

I get these random little epiphany's and just start to write,

so here goes nothing. 

Everyone around me is either:
married,
engaged, 
pregnant,
has kids,
has a serious boyfriend/girlfriend,
has a missionary,
or is going on a mission.
Then there's me,
-single,
-still trying to figure out what i wanna do in life,
-still trying to figure out who i am
-deciding if I want to serve a mission
-and what im gonna wear tomorrow

I hate those questions grown ups ask like
so what are you going to study in school?
me: "no freaking idea."
what do you wanna be when you grow up?
"I don't know"
are you gonna serve a mission?
"maybe"
that is seriously how it goes.
like, on the daily.

then a little bit ago i registred for my classes,
applied for a new job
and I was like "oh man, shiz just got real"
I'm not gonna lie i hate this whole be an adult thing
and im kinda scared of change
but then i realized resisting change can paralyze you,
but I'm learning that you can't be afraid of change
sometimes you just have to go with it,
life is happening all around us constantly changing
and you can't live life looking over your shoulder
afraid of the past.
Never look back
there's no telling what you'll find yourself doing,
this moment right now however hard and confusing it is,
is the most important moment of our lives
you can spend so much time and moments of your life re-inventing yourself that,
you end up losing yourself.
I once thought that some things never change but the truth is everything changes
"Day by day, nothing seems to change. But pretty soon, everything's different."-Unknown
the trick is not to fight it,
life is full of little surprises.

ANDDDDDD
here's a picture of a panda,
casue it get's me everytime:)





 if that didn't make you smile, i don't know what will.

I Almost Do,

I bet this time of night you're still up
I bet you're tired from a long hard week
I bet you're sitting in your chair by the window
Looking out at the city
And I bet sometimes you wonder about me

And I just want to tell you
It takes everything in me not to call you
And I wish I could run to you
And I hope you know that every time I don't
I almost do
I almost do

I bet you think I either moved on or hate you
'Cause each time you reach out there's no reply
I bet it never ever occurred to you that I can't say hello to you
And risk another goodbye

And I just want to tell you
It takes everything in me not to call you
And I wish I could run to you
And I hope you know that every time I don't
I almost do
I almost do

Oh we made quite a mess, babe
It's probably better off this way
And I confess, baby
In my dreams you're touching my face
And asking me if I want to try again with you
And I almost do

And I just want to tell you
It takes everything in me not to call you
And I wish I could run to you
And I hope you know that every time I don't
I almost do
I almost do

I bet this time of night you're still up
I bet you're tired from a long hard week
I bet you're sitting in your chair by the window looking out at the city
And I hope sometimes you wonder about me

trick question,

I still don't know the answer.

quote-a-licious

Rad.

Song of the day/week/month:

 Hey Babe- Radical Something

Obsessed with Them.

Literally am in love with this band.

To whom I once loved,

This past week has been so fun and i felt like i was finally moving on from you,
but at the same time everywhere i go there's a reminder of you,
i can't drive by half of this town and not think of a memory we had there
and i always wonder if you still ever think or let alone care about me,
because i think about you everyday
and i wish i didn't have to.
I wish i could just shut off all our memories
and never bring you up in a conversation,
but it's hard because you were once part of me.
It's a not so Love Story.
I'm still stuck on that phase where I am mad at myself not you
im left with confusion because those last few days were great
i feel dumb founded and disappointed,
in me.
there are some questions eating me up in side
like why you left,
when did your feelings change,
when did you stop caring
and why couldn't we stay friends like you promised..
"You can always tell how much you love someone by how much they hurt you"
you hurt me to the point where I will never forgive you for putting me through so much,
alone.
not to where we won't be friends,
just to where that trust will never be there again..
They say time heals all wounds.. that's true. 
Slowly, but surely the pain lessens and lessens..
but then you hear a name, song or voice.
And it's like that hole in your heart gets ripped open all over again.
I question every word you once said because i feel like you just walked away,
and i can't that easy.
And maybe you know, but i don't think you do.
I'd go out of my way just to make sure you were okay no matter what.
People talk and talk about what you are up to now and who you are with
without me asking,
part of me wants to know the truth but the other part doesn't.
because if you are with that one person who I was scared to lose you to,
It would honestly kill me inside.
I'm scared to see you because i don't know if it would just be a fresh start for us
or if we would just ignore each other like strangers and like we never mattered.
and that would make it hurt so much more.
Or maybe seeing you is exactly what i need.
Feelings aren't right or wrong, they just are.
I'm sorry for all the stupid arguments we got into,
and for holding on to something that isn't there anymore
My head tells me I'm a fool and to move on,
My heart is saying dont let go..
I'm hopelessly devoted to you.
And I can't wait for the day that i stop thinking about you,
and see you and feel absolutely nothing.

Wish list.

I know its not Christmas yet, but it's almost Black friday! :)

a day where people go crazy shopping because everything i supposedly cheaper!

Well anyways, no idea what im doing that day but here's what i want for Christmas.. or Black Friday, whatever.

i could probably make this.. im just to lazy.

 And a lot more but these are some:)

this was kinda pointless but oh well.