Awkward.

The other day I realized I'm not as fun or social as I use to be.
I use to be really outgoing and go to parties and talk to a lot of people.
Then these past few days I was like uhhh what's wrong with me?
I have no idea how to flirt with boys the other day I went on a date with this really hot guy who for some reason chose to take ME on a date.
ME, I was in shock.
But anyways.
It was way fun, super chill,
end of the night he leaned in to kiss me. Yupppp I was so awkward. Just turned my head Then walked right into my humble abode.
It wasn't that I didn't want to kiss him but at the same time I felt like I was cheating on my boyfriend.
Oh yeah i don't have one. Just trying to get over the last one. And some people i talk to it about are like "oh you need a rebound or you'll never get over him!"
NO.
I don't want a rebound i don't want to be like every other girl who has to go make out with like 5 guys to get over someone, cause I've done that before.
All you do is try to convince and lie to yourself that you are over that person when everyone knows your really not and it just makes it worse. I hate myself for ever liking someone so much. Where are all the guys you can just chill with? you know cuddle, watch a movie, maybe fall asleep without having to hook up with them by the end of the night? Or just go get some hot chocolate and drive up to the canyon and watch the sunset and talk about life with? Anyone out there like that nowadays?
I'll be holding out for a hero till then.
Xoxo
-Karla

Nice girls finish last.

I just really feel like sharing some of my pet peeves,

these are in no particular order.

these are not directed to any specific person, it's just me.

1. when you run into people that never once gave a crap about you and then you see them somewhere and they freak out.

Example: you go to school with the girls or guys, well mostly girls, and you seem them at school.. you guys just walk by or smile. 

you see them at the mall and they come up to you and are like "heyyyy! how are you?! you look so good! we needa hang out!" 

yeah since we talk all the time.?

2. When guys try to hit on you and they fail, then they pretend like it was a joke or blame it on someone else. 

3. When guys use the "Nice guys finish last" excuse.

your probably aiming for a girl who her "dream guy" is tan, dark, buff, hot, rich and hot. please tell me where "nice" fits into that list. or girls who probably can't keep a conversation with a rock because all they do is gossip. or girls who are out of your league. If anything, nice guys finish first, with a wife and a great savings account.

4. When girls use the "Nice girls finish last" excuse. 

Oh. yeah, that never happens.

5. the "friend zone" excuse, no girl goes up to a freaking guy and is like "sorry we can't date your in my friend zone, and once you are there, their is no way of getting out." NO. 

its easier to say your in the friend zone then to admit your to shy to take initiative, or to prideful to get rejected 

but, when girls are like "you're like a brother to me" yeah that's a slap in the face for boys. i admit that.

6. when people put up a picture on facebook or twitter or instagram and the caption to their picture is like " om my gosh. i look so bad." if you actually thought you looked bad you probably wouldn't have put it up in the first place.

 we all know your just fishing for compliments.

7. when you hold the door for someone and they don't say thank you...

i just wasted two seconds of my life to hold the door for you. please waste two seconds of yours to thank me.

8. when people ride their bike in the middle of the road. 

please get off the road you aren't a car.

9. when people walk really slow in front of you at the mall. 

and I'm not just saying one person, cause you can just figure your way around them, but when its like five people stretched out in a line so there's no way of getting around.

so if your walking in front of me.. just move your slow little butts to the side, or, speed it up and don't be a turtle.

10. when people chew with their mouth open.

11. when people put other people down to make themselves feel better.

12. when giirlz type like dis

"i luv ma babii boo xoxo 4eva"

"Hi baybeehhhhh ! Ya needs to txt me :* lahhyoubae"

yup, i copied and pasted these from people on facebook.

13. when someone doesn't accept a compliment.

girls do this a lot and i use to not gonna lie, then i gave this one guy a compliment not to long ago like maybe two weeks ago or something and he just would not take it! and i was like hmm.. i can see why this bugs other boys so much when we don't take compliments. 

i learned that even if i do not agree just say thank you and keep your mouth shut.

because that person is trying to be nice!  

 14. when i do my nails and let them dry for like two hours then i hit them with something! and, they are just crap after that. you think after two hours of letting your nails dry they'd be like iron.

15. when people leave their dogs in cars while they go shopping, especially on really hot days.

(not that we have to worry about that in Utah the weather changes every hour) 

but still it just makes me wonder how long they've been in there! so sad.

16. i feel like every time i blog a particular subject i have to apologize at the beginning because some people think it's directed towards them. when in the beginning i said it wasn't directed to anyone in particular. 

17. when someone is sick as a dog yet they still go to school.

i know you want perfect attendance but it won't kill ya if you stay home,

 it might kill ya if you go to school.

just stay home, nobody else wants to get sick.

18. girls that say they hate drama. 

everyone hates drama but I'm talking about the girls who say that and are the cause of drama.

19. when someone else calls my best friend their best friend.

20. these commercials.

21. people who smack their gum.

22. when people ask me "oh you speak Mexican?" 

no. i speak Spanish.

23.on instagram when girls #nofilter and you see that there is a filter! that one isn't so common but #nomakeup 

and you can clearly see they are wearing make up.

24. when girls put pictures up and the caption is

"sweat pants, hair tied, chillin with no make up on"

no one cares.

25. when people try to insult me but they use horrible grammar. 

bad grammar is just a turn off.

and im just gonna stop here because i feel like i am ranting.

i blog my feelings.

More then anything in the world i wish Janet was still here
none really understands what im going through
some days are good
some days are bad,
most of them bad
but when i have good days their actually really good.
like the other day i went to the mall with ally, went to visit an old friend, then went to zupas later for dinner with a few old friends,
it's nice meeting new people and catching up with old friends,
but they all ask the same question,"How are you?"
and unfortunately i realized i can never say "im good"or "great!" the only thing i can convince myself to say is
"Im fine." or "Im okay."
i have these moments were out of the blue i just start to cry and cry and wonder where she really is.
Because if she was still here we'd go to star bucks, or the mall, or stalk people for fun,
either way i would have the company of best friend,
A day ago i made jay a pumpkin! it turned out okay but we went to go deliever it to her, me, beca and liz.
Liz was driving jays car and i sat in the back that was the last place i saw her and where we held our last conversation,
it was overwhelming.
and i love having liz over at my house all the time,
i use to think her and Janet were completely two different people, but everyday i see more of jay in her.
when liz pulls up in front of our house she parks exactly where jay use to park, the first time i saw her drive the car it made me happy because for some reason i thought jay would get out and walk in like no big deal.
it got my hopes up.
i know i had nothing to do with her and Davids death but i feel sorta responsible because i knew she was sneaking out that night and i didn't do anything to stop her.
if i could change something that night, i would have told her not to go on that bike ride.
because if she was here things would be so different.
I miss you jay, i can't wait to see you again.

When words fail, Music speaks.

You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness
Like resignation to the end, always the end
So when we found that we could not make sense
Well you said that we would still be friends
But I'll admit that I was glad it was over

But you didn't have to cut me off
Make it like it never happened and that we were nothing
And I don't even need your love
But you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough
No you didn't have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records and then change your number
I guess that I don't need that though
Now you're just somebody that I used to know
 -Somebody that I used to know.

 Damn, damn boy you do it well
And I thought you were innocent
You took this heart and put it through hell
But still you're magnificent
I, I'm a boomerang doesn't matter how you throw me
Turn around and I'm back in the game
Even better than the old me
But I'm not even close without you

If you ask me how I'm doin I would say I'm doin just fine
I would lie and say that you're not on my mind
But I go out and I sit down at a table set for two
and finally I'm forced to face the truth.
No matter what I say, I'm not over you

And if I had the chance to renew
You know there isn't a thing I wouldn't do
I could get back on the right track
But only if you'd be convinced
So until then

If you ask me how I'm doin I would say I'm doin just fine
I would lie and say that you're not on my mind.
-Not Over You.

Well, it's good to hear your voice 
I hope you're doing fine  
And if you ever wondered  
I'm lonely here tonight
I'm lost here in this moment 
And time keeps slipping by
And if I could have just one wish  
I'd have you by my side
Oh, oh, I miss you Oh, oh, I need you
And I love you more than I did before
And if today I don't see your face
Nothing's changed, 
no one can take your place It gets harder every day
-Stay

Letting you go, is
making me feel so cold, 
And I've been trying to
make believe it doesn't hurt.
But that makes it worse, yeah.
See I'm a wreck inside,
my tongue is tied,
and my whole body feels so weak. 
The future may be all I really need.
Like a first love,
My one and only true love,
Wasn't it written all over my face?
I loved you like you loved me,
Like something pure and holy,
Like something that could never be replaced

And it was wonderful,
It was magical,
It was everything I've waited for,
A miracle
And if I should ever fall in love again
with someone new,
It could never be the way,
No it will never be the way
I loved you.
-The way i loved you. 


And I hope the sun shines
And it's a beautiful day
And something reminds you
You wish you had stayed
I never planned on making you cry,
but not letting go would be living a lie,

So I'll go sit on the floor
Wearing your clothes
All that I know is
I don't know how to be something you miss
Never thought we'd have a last kiss
Never imagined we'd end like this
Your name, forever the name on my lips
Just like our last kiss.
-Last Kiss

It's probably what's best for you
I only want the best for you
And if I'm not the best then you're stuck
I tried to sever ties and I ended up with wounds to bind
Like you're pouring salt in my cuts

And I just ran out of band-aids
I don't even know where to start
'Cause you can bandage the damage
You never really can fix a heart
-Fix a heart

I'm gonna pick up the pieces,
And build a Lego house
If things go wrong we can knock it down
My three words have two meanings,
There's one thing on my mind
It's all for you
And it's dark in a cold December, but I've got you to keep me warm
If you're broken I will mend you and I'll keep you sheltered from the storm that's raging on now
I'm out of touch, I'm out of love
I'll pick you up when you get down
And out of all these things I've done I think I love you better now
I'm out of sight, I'm out of mind
I'll do it all for you in time
And out of all these things I've done I think I love you better now.
-Lego House

 Someday I'm gonna run across your mind
Don't worry, I'll be fine
I'm gonna be alright
While you're sleeping with your pride
Wishing I could hold you tight
I'll be over you
And on with my life

So take your records, take your freedom
Take your memories, I don't need'em
And take your cap and leave my sweater
'Cause we have nothing left to weather
In fact I'll feel a whole lot better
But you'll think of me
-You'll think of me

Woke up late today and I still feel the sting of the pain
But I brushed my teeth anyway
I got dressed through the mess and put a smile on my face
I got a little bit stronger

Riding in the car to work and I'm trying to ignore the hurt
So I turned on the radio, stupid song made me think of you
I listened to it for minute but I changed it
I'm getting a little bit stronger, just a little bit stronger

And I'm done hoping that we could work it out
I'm done with how it feels, spinning my wheels
Letting you drag my heart around
And, oh, I'm done thinking that you could ever change

I know my heart will never be the same
But I'm telling myself I'll be okay
Even on my weakest days
I get a little bit stronger
-Little bit stronger
LLJ

You shout it out,
But I can't hear a word you say
I'm talking loud not saying much
I'm criticized but all your bullets ricochet
You shoot me down, but I get up
I'm bulletproof, nothing to lose
Fire away, fire away
Ricochet, you take your aim
Fire away, fire away
You shoot me down but I won't fall
I am titanium
You shoot me down but I won't fall
I am titanium
-Titanium 
(my favorite:)

Quotations.

Screwing up and being human, my biggest fear.

Me?

I'm scared of a a lot.

I'm scared of everything.

I'm scared of everyone.

I'm scared of what I've done.

I'm scared of what I've seen.

I'm scared of what I've heard.

I'm scared of who i am.

I'm scared of who I'm becoming.

I'm scared of boys.

I'm scared of falling in love, again.

I'm scared of making the wrong decisions.

I'm scared of exploring the world.

I'm scared of being replaced.

I'm scared of being loved.

I'm scared of being disappointed.

I'm scared of disappointing people.

I'm scared to cry.

I'm scared of my sins.

I'm scared of my past.

I'm scared of what's to come.

I'm scared of following my dreams.

I'm scared of becoming an adult.

I'm scared of becoming an adult with no dreams.

I'm scared of giving up.

I'm only human.

 And sometimes i get caught up trying to impress people who at the end of the day won't be there for me. People will always criticize me for what I'll do, what I'll wear, what I've done, how i look, and who i am. People will let me down and i will do the same.
But it's all those things that make me who i am. I'm only eighteen years old and have so much in store for me. It wasn't till a little bit ago that i realized no matter what i do or what i say, one person will never be happy with it. I have to stop being scared.
I can't impress everyone and make everyone like me. I can only offer the world one thing, and that's being me.
I laughs a lot, i cry over stupid things, i eat a lot, I'm loud, I'm crazy, i like singing at the top of my lungs in the car,  dancing around in my room, I fall in love way to easily and I dream BIG.
And in reality i have no idea whats gonna happen to me, if my dreams will come true and if I'll fall in love and live happily ever after. NO idea what i want to do in life or exactly what i want to be.
I know I'll screw up and regret a lot of what i do.
And in a weird way i believe that no matter what decision i make, or who's in my life. I'll be exactly where I'm supposed to be.

Because being Human is Beautiful.

I speak my mind.

First off this is MY blog.

MY thoughts.

And MY Opinion.

 You my dear reader are more then welcome to disagree with what i have to say.

I encourage you to.

But don't get mad and upset at me for posting what i want
 because in no way do i mean to offend anyone what so ever.

This goes for my facebook as well.
and just keep in my mind that i am not making you read this
you my dear stalker chose to read it yourself!
just sayin.

For those of you who didn't know, but how could you not? It happens every 6 months!
General Conference was this last weekend.
LOVE it.
i get to be in sweats and chill and listen to the leaders of our church say some remarkable things.
Biggest news was the age change for men and woman being able to serve missions at 18 and 19.
i was extremely happy about it but a little taken back no lie.
why?
uh.. if i wanted to serve a mission i'd be out in 5 months!
that's crazy!
"peace out college im going to serve the lord!"
it's some great news!scratch that *amazing* news!
but then i posted a status that caused a little facebook war and made me look negative? here's what it was.

I don't really know how it was negative or rude or whatever some people got offended about,
so here's something positive,
if i decide not to go on a mission i get all the Returned Missionaries to myself! Haa:)
But,
no where in this status did i say it was about general conference.
well, it was.
but it could have been about anything like the BYU game?! or something.
yes it was about general conference but it wasn't about the mission thing specifically it was about general conference in general! still don't get what i mean? here's another picture someone posted.

 funny eh?
or maybe you don't think so but that's great,
 you do your thing i'll do mine,
and well all live in peace.
someone commented on my status and said like "freedom of speech they can comment or post what they want" something along those lines.
excuse me? what did i do on my status?
isn't that freedom of speech? or does that not count cause im brown? haha.
that seemed a little hypocritical to me.
I am way happy for all those young men who get to serve the lord so soon and woman who want to and are willing to. it's absolutely incredible!
I wasn't bugged seeing all the status about leaving on missions at all but what i was bugged about was that people also don't understand how much maturity and preparation it takes to go on a mission.
Some girls who kept posting about going on a mission you and i both know that they probably aren't worthy enough to go.
I saw a couple girls who smoke weed and get drunk every once in a while say they are so excited to serve the lord!
Excuse me hun, they changed the age limit,
they never once said it was okay to drink, do drugs and have sex, then you can serve a mission.
Isn't that a little fake and hypocritical?
Don't get me wrong people make mistakes all the time and you can repent and pray about going on a mission and stuff.
But don't say it to impress people or fit in.

Go on a mission if your READY

Go on a mission if your PREPARED

Go on a mission if your WORTHY.