To whom I once loved,

This past week has been so fun and i felt like i was finally moving on from you,
but at the same time everywhere i go there's a reminder of you,
i can't drive by half of this town and not think of a memory we had there
and i always wonder if you still ever think or let alone care about me,
because i think about you everyday
and i wish i didn't have to.
I wish i could just shut off all our memories
and never bring you up in a conversation,
but it's hard because you were once part of me.
It's a not so Love Story.
I'm still stuck on that phase where I am mad at myself not you
im left with confusion because those last few days were great
i feel dumb founded and disappointed,
in me.
there are some questions eating me up in side
like why you left,
when did your feelings change,
when did you stop caring
and why couldn't we stay friends like you promised..
"You can always tell how much you love someone by how much they hurt you"
you hurt me to the point where I will never forgive you for putting me through so much,
alone.
not to where we won't be friends,
just to where that trust will never be there again..
They say time heals all wounds.. that's true. 
Slowly, but surely the pain lessens and lessens..
but then you hear a name, song or voice.
And it's like that hole in your heart gets ripped open all over again.
I question every word you once said because i feel like you just walked away,
and i can't that easy.
And maybe you know, but i don't think you do.
I'd go out of my way just to make sure you were okay no matter what.
People talk and talk about what you are up to now and who you are with
without me asking,
part of me wants to know the truth but the other part doesn't.
because if you are with that one person who I was scared to lose you to,
It would honestly kill me inside.
I'm scared to see you because i don't know if it would just be a fresh start for us
or if we would just ignore each other like strangers and like we never mattered.
and that would make it hurt so much more.
Or maybe seeing you is exactly what i need.
Feelings aren't right or wrong, they just are.
I'm sorry for all the stupid arguments we got into,
and for holding on to something that isn't there anymore
My head tells me I'm a fool and to move on,
My heart is saying dont let go..
I'm hopelessly devoted to you.
And I can't wait for the day that i stop thinking about you,
and see you and feel absolutely nothing.

Wish list.

I know its not Christmas yet, but it's almost Black friday! :)

a day where people go crazy shopping because everything i supposedly cheaper!

Well anyways, no idea what im doing that day but here's what i want for Christmas.. or Black Friday, whatever.

i could probably make this.. im just to lazy.

 And a lot more but these are some:)

this was kinda pointless but oh well.

look forward.

Inspire me.

"And once the storm is over you won't remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won't even be sure, in fact, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won't be the same person who walked in."
I use to think the worst feeling in the world was losing someone you love, but I was wrong. The worst feeling is the moment when you realize, you lost yourself.  
I'm tired of getting lied to, tired of being used, tired of fake people, tired of pleasing people, tired of judgmental people. 
Just tired.

-i want someone to pick me up randomly and drive miles away from here
-i want to grab coffee with a friend and go up to the canyon and talk about everything
-i want to take random pictures of everything around me
-i want to eat chocolate for daysss
-i want to make all the pinterest ideas i find, but never actually try
-i want to make treats for people who have helped me through hard times
-i want to spend whole damn day cuddling(especially in this weather)
-i want to have a movie marathon
-i want to have a spa days with my best friends
-i want to cry of happiness, not because im sad
-i want both of my best friends back
-i want to be wanted
-i want to build a gingerbread house
-i want to throw a Christmas party
-i want to carve a pumpkin
-i want to go on a carriage ride
-i want to have a snowball fight/sled
-i want to take random adventures
-I want to be happy.
 yup, i feel wanty and random.